Sammy, age 30

Living Reckless

My name is Sammy, I tested positive in April 2009. Up until that point I was pretty much having sex for money. I lived a normal day to day life going to work and very active in my church, but I lived a secret life at night.

I thought I was young and the people I was meeting had money and didn't look sick and for the most part were married. I thought that if they were married the chances of them having something would be slim because their wives would know. Plus they didn't look sick and they all seemed to be well established. You know, it's that thing where you really think that sick people look sick or they don't live well-to-do lifestyles.

The only reason I really got tested was because a friend of mine had recently tested positive in February of the same year and I figured I might need to be tested. Truthfully, if he had never gotten tested I would have never decided to be tested.

Now it's just a big adjustment mentally just trying to keep a "positive" outlook on how things truly are. At first I thought it was a death sentence and thought there was no need to stop doing what I was doing. Hell, I actually thought that I should increase my actions. Then I realized that I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what I'm going through. My only fear now is... The fear of being alone... The fear of always having to disclose my status and getting that look. You know that WOW!!! look. So my goal now is to encourage others and to let them know that life continues...